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Profound, but unsustainable, because, ultimately, all lasting relationships require some degree of emotional connection. It is no coincidence that infidelity is practically a legacy in some families and it might be worth reflecting on whether your own sexual behaviour might be a case of history repeating itself. There is no doubt that some people are able to compartmentalise sex to a greater degree than others, but the desire to love, and to be loved in return, is such a basic human need that even people with alexithymia an inability to identify, or discern emotion strive to form committed relationships. They also require mutual respect, honesty and love, qualities that are inevitably compromised in a union borne of infidelity. Is it her, or the illicitness of the situation? Love does feel good, and fluid, and caring, and all encompassing. Ultimately it is a risk that most of us are prepared to take because we believe that we deserve to be loved. But, contrary to received wisdom, we are becoming more, rather than less moralistic about infidelity.

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It makes me wonder whether you might have trouble accessing your own emotions. Most of what we do is learnt behaviour, but somehow it seems easier to consider questionable sexual practices as a pathology. You have no financial obligations to this woman and there is no emotional connection, so you are not even going to get hurt if actually, make that when the relationship ends. In the long term, I think that you would really benefit from a course of therapy to help you to explore some of the underlying issues that might be preventing you from engaging in a relationship based on more than just sex. Even the fact that she has been stringing you along for a year is a sexual plus. After all, if you have difficulty sharing or understanding your feelings, a relationship based on a straightforward sexual transaction might feel much more manageable for you. Profound, but unsustainable, because, ultimately, all lasting relationships require some degree of emotional connection.

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Ultimately it is a risk that most of us are prepared to take because we believe that we deserve to be loved. Is it her, or the illicitness of the situation? Most of what we do is learnt behaviour, but somehow it seems easier to consider questionable sexual practices as a pathology. There is no doubt that some people are able to compartmentalise sex to a greater degree than others, but the desire to love, and to be loved in return, is such a basic human need that even people with alexithymia an inability to identify, or discern emotion strive to form committed relationships. E-mail your questions to: After all, if you have difficulty sharing or understanding your feelings, a relationship based on a straightforward sexual transaction might feel much more manageable for you. Profound, but unsustainable, because, ultimately, all lasting relationships require some degree of emotional connection.

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